Simpler Plans = Better Moments
Last night, I hosted a dinner for 3 of my friends.
Nothing crazy. No fancy menu. No theme. No agenda. Just a few dudes hanging out with nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company.
It started off as a simple text to a group chat on a Friday night and things just seemed to line up for Saturday. Everyone brought a dish and we ended up having quite the little spread, as you can see by the picture.
Maybe it sounds simple, or maybe it sounds feminine for a bunch of men to do, or maybe it even sounds too “millennial”. Either way, it was awesome. And it really got me thinking.
I think we forget something crucial in our 20s:
Sometimes the simpler things in life provide the most fulfillment. We don’t need bigger plans, we need closer moments.
The Real Value of Hosting Dinner in Your 20s
Bro, it’s literally just dinner, what’s the big deal?
Oh, I’ll tell you why it’s much more than that. No seriously, here’s a detailed list of some of the benefits I have found to hosting group dinners:
1. It Signals a Deeper Sense of Friendship
Everyone knows there’s a difference between being ‘friendly’ with someone and being ‘friends’ with someone. I’m certain you are friendly with all the people you call friends, but I’m sure you’re not friends with everyone you’re friendly with.
That’s kinda how it works with meeting up with someone in public versus inviting them to where you live. There’s a lot of people you would be willing to hang out with in a public setting. But it’s your true friends that you invite into the walls where you live.
When you invite people into your home, you are saying I trust you, I am comfortable with you, and I want to share my space with you. It’s important to let the people in your life that matter to you know these things, and it feels good to be on the receiving end of that invitation.
In your 20s, when so many friendships are built around convenience or proximity—hosting signals intention.
2. It Promotes Presence in a Way Going Out Rarely Does
I like going out to places with my friends as much as the next guy. Maybe it’s for sports games on TV. Maybe it’s live music. Or even just for the overall atmosphere. It’s all fun.
With that being said, it’s easy to get distracted from conversation and connection. There’s noise, movement, distractions, and an underlying sense that the night has an endpoint. The same environment that you seek out for all of those things is the same environment that removes a sense of presence.
A dinner table creates a different rhythm. It allows space to breath and let’s you linger. You already have the ultimate conversation starter (the food) and you can just unfold from there. Phones tend to stay down longer (probably since we were told no phones at the dinner table).
Presence becomes easier because the environment naturally invites it.
3. It Shifts You From Consumer to Creator
So much of your life after college revolves around consuming existing experiences—restaurants, bars, concerts, etc. Hosting a dinner flips that dynamic completely.
Hosting requires effort. Hosting requires hustle. Hosting allows you to curate the space, set the tone, and offer up what you have to give. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from that, especially in a phase of life where you’re still finding your footing.
We already do enough consuming and are losing ways to express our creativity more and more. It doesn’t take much, but it requires a little bit of brainpower (relax, it won’t kill you).
4. It Forces You to Tighten Things Up
Speaking of effort, I know it becomes super easy to let things fall below par, especially when you live alone.
When you have people coming over, you are forced to tidy your place up, clean it a bit, make it smell nice, use your time a little wiser, and more. You have to plan the time and maybe plan the food. And once that time is set, you have a deadline to get things done.
I never quite understood the frantic mom-panic that occurs hours before guests arrive. I still don’t—but those couple hours leading up to it are decently exhilarating.
When everything can feel scattered, hosting forces you to pull things together, even if only for one night. There’s something grounding about that kind of intentionality. And at the end of it all, I had a pretty nice excuse to clean up my apartment.
5. It Allows You to Celebrate Life (Independent of Special Occasions)
Reasons to host a group dinner:
- Birthdays
- Holidays
- Promotions
Also reasons to host a group dinner:
- It’s been a while
- You’re bored
- You haven’t had a social interaction in 2 days
- It’s a random weeknight
- You want to try a new recipe
- Literally anything (that’s the point of this whole section)
Life is wonderful and needs to be celebrated more often! Having a simple dinner with friends breaks that pattern. It lets you celebrate life as it is, without waiting for a reason. Be the person to create the moments, and realize not everything needs to be trademarked by an event.
Give thanks for what you have, let your invitees know they mean something to you, enjoy a good meal, live life, and laugh. There’s a reason why food has been such a cultural significance for so long in this world.
What You Need to Host an Awesome Dinner
Oh, so you now want in?
My response:
Here’s what you need:
Friends to Invite
The people you include is probably the most important part of this whole thing, so choose wisely. Three to five people is often enough to create good conversation without overwhelming the table.
Maybe you already have a set friend group of this side. But if you’re trying to get individuals together for the first time, think about who might feel comfortable together and who brings a calm, easy energy.
If you need help making friends, check out this blog post.
Food to Eat
Now that you know who’s eating, you have to an idea of what you’re eating. Depending on how casual you are trying to make the night, I always like to make something that’s a step up and might be something I don’t ordinarily cook just for myself. It doesn’t have to be caviar, but a nice, elevated meal indicates thoughtfulness, preparation, and appreciation.
Speaking of preparation, you want to make sure a) you’re cooking something you’re pretty confident making, and b) you have enough for everyone. Crock pot and sheet pan meals are you friends since it allows you to make a lot of food over the course of a few non-active cooking hours.
If you need help with cooking, check out this blog post.
Table to Set
In order to host these friends and serve them some delicious food, you also need to have space to eat.
I have this awesome table (here’s a link to a similar one) that I use as a side table when folded down, but then I can flip the sides up to extend it to fit 6 people. On top of that, the fold up chairs are stored right in the middle cabinet. So helpful for my 800 sqft apartment space.
Now, part of this section was to allow me to flex this awesome table I bought off of Facebook marketplace, but setting a table involves more than the four legs and a slab you’re physically eating on.
Be conscious of the overall atmosphere you’re creating. You can see in the background of those photos I have a lamp (lighting) next to my record player and speaker system (music). The name of the game is ambiance and believe it or not, the better the ambiance, the better the food is going to taste.
Time to Plan
You got it all laid out there, now you need to schedule it out.
- When are people supposed to get there?
- How much time does your food need to cook?
- How long will it take to cook?
- Do you still need to shower and get dressed?
- Is there anything else that needs to be done before the dinner?
Personally, I like to have plenty of extra time. This allows me to be calm and stress free and really enjoy the preparation. Cooking, especially, kind of sucks when you feel rushed.
Work backwards, starting from planned time of arrival and write out what needs to happen at what times. This process of decluttering helps keep things in line, on schedule, also takes the stress load off the brain.
How ever much time you plan to need, add a buffer of 20-30 minutes to allow for mishap and/or breathing.
Energy to Bring
This is hopefully the easy part.
You’ve done all the leg work, now you get to be calm and present in the moment. You don’t need to entertain, explain, or manage the night. Sitting down, eating with everyone, and staying engaged sets the tone more than anything else. Don’t be like SpongeBob in that episode where he has a house party.
When you feel like winding things down, start cleaning up and people will get the gist.
Conclusion: A Challenge from Me to You
So now that you know about why you should and how to, I challenge you to host one dinner in the next month.
Keep it small. Keep it simple. Don’t overthink it. You might be surprised how meaningful it feels—not just for your friends, but for you too.
And take pride in offering your home for a night. You don’t have to go all out, but also don’t be afraid to spend some money and have a good time. It’s experiences like this that are worth it.
If you don’t want the full burden of the whole meal/bill, split it up amongst the guests. Coordinate who’s bringing what and establish if anything needs to be thrown in the oven quickly when they get there. However you do it, be the one to take the initiative and put something in the books.
Sometimes the most impactful thing you can do in your 20s isn’t chasing something bigger, but rather something more memorable.
Setting the table and saying, “Come on over.”
A terrific way to keep writing your story.
—Will
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